It’s All in the Senses

For those of you who have been tracking along with what’s been written so far, you’re expecting a few more tips to make meaningful connections. If you’ve picked up this just now, you might find it helpful to first read It’s All in the Name and It’s All About Them.

This blog focuses on some of the senses engaged when connecting with a new person.

Eyes

Have you ever been in a conversation where the person isn’t actually looking at you during the conversation? There’s some level of distraction that diverts that person’s attention from you. There’s nothing worse! You sense the other person is actually looking out for someone else, feeling you are merely a time and placeholder until a better offer comes along.  

When connecting with someone for the first time, give the person your full attention. Undivided attention. Exclusive attention. Let them know implicitly by your focus that you are interested in them as a person, their story, etc.

(Of course, please do not be super stalky about it – that would have the opposite effect of making a meaningful connection.)

I am increasingly finding people are constantly interrupted. The interruptions of notifications send a message (pun intended) that the person you are meeting with is not as important as the message that just came through on your watch or phone. Actively resist the temptation to check alerts, notifications and messages – better still, turn them off.

Be fully present with the person with whom you are speaking. This will lay a great foundation from which the relationship can develop. 

Touch

You may be aware of the origin of shaking hands. It emanates from the fifth century, when two people approached each other by showing an open hand, they were disclosing that they were not carrying a weapon – and therefore came in peace. So physical touch, when meeting someone for the first time, was a life or death situation!

Today we (generally) assume people are coming in peace and are not packing weapons (and I guess if they were, they would be hidden in any event).

There is a lot of research which points to the need humanity has for some elements of physical touch – whether it is simply shaking hands, a touch on the forearm or shoulder, or an appropriate hug. We convey a deeper level of connection when our physical proximate exchange aligns with the social exchange we are experiencing.

Don’t be too creepy about it, and sometimes different genders can make it more difficult to discern what’s right. I would always encourage to underbake the level of physical touch rather than overcook it – otherwise you could burn the connection before it really gets started.

And of course the physical connection needs to sit well in the context of the overall encounter. Randomly shaking someone’s hand half way through a conversation is probably not the right time.

So I suggest when meeting someone for the first time be intentional in expressing a socially appropriate form of physical touch. It conveys a sense of warmth and connection without saying anything.

Shoulder to Shoulder “Wingman”

Top Gun: Maverick was released this year. Part of the story centred (like the original Top Gun) on the role of the Wingman. You might also recall Hamish and Andy generating some laughs at the expense of each other as they sought to be the “Ultimate Wingman.”

When you meet someone, having another person in the conversation reduces the pressure on you to be always steering the conversation, coming up with different conversation topics or questions and minimises the risk of dead ends. With a third person (or additional people) involved, it increases the chances of finding some common ground quickly and allows a healthy rhythm to flow. Naturally, it’s easier if you know the extra person in the conversation, so you have a sense of where things may go as the new person shares some of their life with you.

I remember one time when in a conversation with a person I had not previously met, I invited another person to join in (whom I knew). We laughed and joked around for a few minutes in conversation, and then I invited another person to join in. Once I sensed that there was a strong level of comfortability in the conversation, I found an appropriate time to remove myself from the conversation. Having others connecting not only broadens the relationship base but also facilitates the opportunity to exit (if necessary).

Eyes, touch and others all have an integral part in building meaningful connections with people you have met. Combining these with the other sneaky hacks I have mentioned previously, you’ll find it easier to connect with new people in no time.

If you have some other great ideas on Meaningful Connections, please send them through.

I’ll share some more tips around connecting with new people in my next blog. Keep your eyes open for what’s next.