Parenting Adults - Truth

Many years ago when the boys were much younger our family sat down together to discuss and formulate a set of family values. From memory I think it was a day during one of our family holidays. The idea was suggested during a Sunday morning church service and we thought we’d give it a go. At the time we had no idea how significant that day would be for our family.

Our family had regular family meetings over the years. Mostly that time was used for us (as parents) to share something that we were hoping to highlight or change. After a few rolls of the eyes and everyone getting somewhat comfortable we tabled the idea of creating our own set of family values. We started by each sharing something that we personally valued then moved on to things that we would like others in the family to value. It was interesting hearing some of the words that were flagged mostly because I don’t know if the words actually exist. One word suggested by our eldest son was unspackiness. His idea was that he’d like us to not get over agitated by things that he deemed insignificant. Like the way he chose to eat!

So on we went and to my surprise we arrived at five values that we all agreed upon. Not everyone would have chosen all of them as their individual values but we compromised and decided to attempt to live with the values of Honesty, Generosity, Peace, Respect and Humour.

Specified values gave us a family truth to aim at. We printed them on a canvas and hung that in our front foyer. Anytime anyone did not adhere to the values we would ask that person (including my husband and I) to walk to the foyer to read the values. Not only did this give a consistent truth upon which to focus but also gave a practical break (when the person was to walk to the foyer) in which to settle the conflict that had risen.

These values have cemented our family for many years and even now continue to keep us blended. We may not head to the foyer anymore but we know intimately that the Glovers value honesty, generosity, peace, respect and humour. As the family grows with partners and grandchildren, our values remain.

So I shared, one of our values is honesty. Regardless of the impact or consequence of sharing, we have maintained the importance of truth. Of course our family hasn’t nailed this every time but I’d say most of the time truth has been spoken from the lips of all of us. Sometimes the outcome of this has been amazing, sometimes even liberating. However at times the confession of truth has created somewhat of a war zone of words. Regardless, honesty has defined our family and we are absolutely stronger for it.

Time to reflect:

What does your family value?

Would you consider yourself a truthful person?

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